This is a paper I wrote for my persuasive theory in writing class. Sadly, the formatting from the paper does not translate well, so maybe I'll get around to fixing it later.

    "Hannah closed the book, laid her head back against her chair, and let her tears
     flow. So the stories she heard over the years were true. The man called Ishmael
     was not just telling a tall tale in this account nor did he bear a grudge despite his
     own torment. She had met him when he came to Nantucket, rescued by the
     whale ship Rachel all those years ago.

    That awful piece of writing is the opening to a book called Son of Perdition, the third book of "Ahab's Legacy" by Louise M. Gouge. Not only is this just bad writing, but in this series the author has taken it upon herself to write a prequel and two sequels to Moby Dick, arguably the greatest American novel.
    The world thinks of Christians as stupid. We are close minded because we can't accept other beliefs as truth. We are unscientific because we can't see the obvious truth of evolution through random natural causes. We are crazy because we talk to this invisible god-figure. Do we really need to perpetuate the idea that we are stupid through our popular literature?
    If you don't think that's a good reason to write better, what about this? Do we really want to offer mediocrity to God? Does God not deserve the best we can offer? Does His word not make it clear that He demands the best we can offer? I am convinced that the only way a poorly written book can be released is laziness on someone's part. Now this is not to say that a book has to be well written to be fun to read. But, as Christians writing something that is to be honoring to God, shouldn't we set the bar higher? Let's take a trip through some of the finer moments of bad Christian literature.
    Going back to Son of Perdition, there are a few problems here. First off, did we really need a sequel to Moby Dick? Melville didn't seem to think so and if he had I'm pretty sure Gouge wouldn't have been his first choice for the author.  Excerpts, such as this reveal why.
    "No," shouted Isaiah, moving away from her toward Timothy."Never apologize         to this sort. Never apologize for me. As for you, you son of Ahab, what makes         you think you can show your face on this island? Do you think people here don't      remember what your father did?"

Not only is the dialogue bad, but apparently Gouge doesn't see the need to put a space between her period and opening quote mark, and the editor is, for some reason, O.K. with that.
    What about this opening line from the book Shipwreck! (yes the exclamation point is part of the title) by Brenda Wilbee? "Emily Wooldridge stood beside her husband on the deck of their brigantine, the Maid of Athens, shivering in the evening dampness of a London fog." There is nothing about this line that makes me want to continue reading, but maybe it gets better later… "The Mount was a desolate place. The wind had already made itself at home, blowing softly through the empty calico of the tent to make the corners flap forlornly and sporadically beneath the heavy tree and plank roof that Steward had only begun." Maybe not.  Let's move on.
    This one is called A Hero for Dry Creek written by Janet Tronstad. It's from the "Love Inspired" series, which claims to be "heartwarming inspirational romance." Let's take a look.
    Niki Redfern didn't believe in fairy tales. Instead of glass slippers she wore                 cowboy boots—and not the highly polished ones rodeo riders wore. No, her boots     were sturdy, working boots meant for riding horses and chasing cattle.
    
    Her feet sweat in these boots.

The only thing this would inspire me to do is take the book back and try to get a refund. But let's give the Love Inspired series another chance, maybe Healing Hearts by Cheryl Wolverton will be better.
    Tessa Stanridge heard her name and turned on her knees to locate her visitor.         The soft ground, still slightly damp in the early morning hours, gave her easy             access to pivot. She'd been watching her turtle build a nest for her soon-to-be          eggs in her little fenced-in area.

O.K. enough of that.
    Next up we have Raptured by Ernest Angley. This book was popular in the 60s and 70s.

    Someone took a hold of Jane's arm and pulled her back down into the seat before     she had a chance to say more. If only he could have shouted to this crowd of             people and told them it was a false accusation that the woman was making; but         she was one of his members, and he had led her wrongly. What Jane said was         true, so what could he do?

Let's just say I am not enraptured. Why did people read this? More importantly, how did this make it past an editors desk?
    Keeping with the apocalyptic theme, lets take a look at Left Behind by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins.
    It was simply Raymie's age and innocence that had allowed his mother's                 influence to affect him so. It was his spirit. He didn't have the killer instinct, the         "me first" attitude Rayford thought he would need to succeed in the real world.

Wow, that's all I can say. This was one of the most popular Christian books when I was in high school. Lets hope this fad gets left behind for good.
    LaHaye's newest series starts with the book "Babylon Rising," co-authored by Greg Dinallo. On the back LaHaye says, "I have tried to make this a gripping, page-turning novel, a great big adventure filled with important revelations." A great big adventure, Tim? If this is an indication of the writing in the book, I don't even want to look.
    I'm holding to the theory that when the editors are at lunch, any random person can wander into their office and give the O.K. to print a novel. If this is what passes for literature in the Christian community, then maybe we're rightly labeled as stupid. Yes, in the secular world many bad books get published, sold and even make it onto the best seller" list.
    I don't think Christians as a whole are stupid. We've just allowed ourselves to become complacent. We need to be asking a couple questions. First, do we need to support bad literature just because it's Christian. Second, should we care how the world views us? Finally, As Christians should we just shoot for the world standards? Or, Should we strive for something greater, something worth presenting to God?
 

So, I'm in class right now. They said they wouldn't put wireless in the classrooms, but, that didn't work out apparently. So, what's up with me? Nothing really. Schools almost out for the term. 2 more papers to write, not bad at all. I'm driving a Toyota Camry now. It's a nice car, good replacment for the Honda. Anyway, let's see, what else. I took about a two week break from World of Warcraft, but I'm back on it now. It's a fun game. If you like that type of game you should look into playing it. Anyway. Oh! The Fluxx people sent me some new cards! So cool. For Family Flux they sent Christmas Tree, where you need Tree and Preasent to win, and for normal Fluxx I got an Earth Keeper and a Peace on Earth goal. very cool. The Earth keeper can be used in ecoFluxx as Air, Water or Dirt. That was exciting to get! Ok, so that's all for now, I'll blog more later! Hopefully sooner than last time. If you're good I'll tell you about my trip to Seattle! Woot!

ANSWERS TO YOUR HEALTH QUESTIONS

Q: Dr. Whoop, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can
prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats and that's it.
Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.
Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer. That's
like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it
faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap!

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?
Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables! So a steak is
nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering
vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is
also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is
one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one,
etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.
My philosophy is: No pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in
vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it.
How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach!

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HELLO!! Cocoa beans?...another vegetable!
It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! Round is a shape!


This will be copyrighted by Dr. Whoop as soon as he gets out of
his easy chair.


from The Mountain: Of course this is a joke (if I didn't say that
some would take this seriously), although there are huge number
of people with Dr. Whoops' mode of thinking.

I want a free iPod and you can help! Just follow this link here and compleat one of the offers, some are even free. If just five people do this I get a cool iPod Nano that'll match my iBook! That's all, thanks!

Ok, so, why do people think the smallest part of a walkway is the best part to talk in?

Ok, so now I am avoiding reading. But I thought it'd be a good idea to make my first blog entry from my new laptop computer. Today I went to Fry's and bought myself an iBook G4 12" model. It's very nice, it has a nice long battery life, very good for school. Also it can play World of Warcraft almost as well as my desktop, wich is saying a lot, cause I have a nice desktop. "So, what else is new?" You may ask. I'll tell you! Friday morning, at about 8:20 I got rear ended by a big ol' Ford F250. It wasn't bad, no one was hurt, but my car is a little crushed. Hopefully that will all get taken care of on Tuesday when I have to go see the insurance people. Nothing else is really that new, I'm still an English major, a new record in staying the same major for me, more than one semester! Woot! And now I should go finish homework! See ya all later!

    OK, OK!  I'll update already!  Anyway, school just started today, I've had one class so far, World Thought and Culture.  Now, to me it looks like it is, at least for this semester, going to cover more western culture than anything, I didn't see anything about eastern culture, but we'll see.  Anyway, I'll write more later, I'm just on a quick stop off in the computer lab.

   Well, just a quick update.  I'm still at camp, I'm on my hour off for the day.  Yes on Tue-Fri we get one hour off, and we can go into town and use the computers at the library and check e-mails and what not.  I'm sure you can all understand that I ussually don't want to use this time to update my blog, I ussually go to Starbucks and get coffee or just hang out.
   Anyway, I'm still alive and well!  Camp is going well, I have a good group of boys in my cabin this week.  I don't have a lot of time so I won't go into details right now.  Anyway, I'll be home on the 20th of August, so I'll see a lot of you then.

   Ok, not a lot to say in this update.  I've been reading my Bible a lot tonight, trying to focus on God being in control.  I'm working on consoladating my student loans and the eminsity of debt I've accumulated paniced me for a bit.  Camp is coming up in less than a week!  Woohoo!  I'm so excited!  I'm just about ready, I need to grab a couple essentials and pack, but those are minor things.  Anyway, without further ado here are some pictures my mom took when we viseted the Iris Gardens a few weeks back.














   So, other than that stuff I've been playing a lot of video games and sleeping a lot.  Next term I'm gonna try and borrow less and just live on less money.  Maybe I'll try and get 2 on campus jobs.  We'll see how it goes.  I wonder if it would be possible not to borrow anything other than the loans from the FASFA people...  I don't know, we'll see.  God know's what's going on though, and he hand picked a nation and set it up step by step, I'm sure He knows what's going on with my financial situation.
   Ok, enough of that.  What else?  Not a lot really.  This summer I'm gonna try and at least update some while I'm at camp.  We'll see if that pans out or not though.  There are also a couple people I'd like to keep in mail contact with while I'm at camp, I'm really hopeing that'll happen.  but for now, I'm done, I'll talk at you all later!

     Ok, so I don't talk about video games a lot, but I do like em.  I've been playing video games since before many of my readers were born.  I remeber when I was a wee lad plaing Vs. Super Mario Bros. in the arcade, I got pretty good at it.  I was suprised when I got my first Nintendo and found out that the home version of the game was much easier.